So I was going to start this blog yesterday, but I did too many things.  I mean I made a checklist using Sticky Notes on my laptop and did almost all the things on it.  I needed to be reasonable and not overload myself.

My secret agenda in creating this blog is that some publishing mogul will be perusing blogspot, find one of my posts, and be so struck by my literary genius that s/he will have no choice but to hire and/or publish me immediately.

All in all though, the purpose of this blog is going to be to illustrate to you, the reader, the awkwardness of my life.  The life of a generally awkward person who just graduated from college and is currently just working at the same goddamned retail job she has been working since senior year of high school.  My cousins say that they would watch my sitcom, if I had one, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Here’s an anecdote of my Saturday night to paint a better picture of some of the things that happen to me.  I had to close at work, which was as uneventful as you would think.  Except the part where I made a joke in Spanish to some Spanish-speaking customers and they laughed.  I felt like the cleverest person in the world. 

Afterwards, I met up with my brother’s girlfriend, Ashley, at a bar.  Her bestie’s boyfriend’s band was playing.  It’s a metal band.  This is so not my scene.  I usually spend my weekend nights stumbling around Allston listening to alternative music, dancing sporadically, and drinking expensive beer.  My outfit would have been appropriate for that.  I was wearing a black lacy top over a solid black tank top, dark-wash skinny jeans, Mary Jane flats, and purple lacy socks.  Most other people there looked like they could be at a biker bar.  They, too, were wearing black tops, but more of the rhinestone variety with big high heels; or a completely different route with band shirts and sweatshirts.  Everyone there could have beaten me up.

Regardless, I still had a great time, and apparently my breasts were sufficiently on display to garner some male attention.  The first was Ashley’s brother’s friend.  I noticed the looks he gave me immediately upon meeting him.  Later, when I was trying to dance to metal, he came up to me, grabbed me, and started swing-dancing with me.  This was initially fun until he picked me up and spun me around in a circle.  I’m very little, and my friends like to do this to me all the time.  He is not my friend.  I could feel this weird forced smile/grimace plaster itself onto my face.  I think it was the shock. 

This moment became even worse later when Ashley informed me that he was one of the kids who robbed the McDonalds across from my high school when we were in school.  The same ones who then got caught and went to jail.  Wow.  I am a lucky girl.

The next boy- and here’s the clincher of the evening- was Ashley’s brother.  Yes, I do realize that this would count as incest in several of the more progressive states.  However, he is hot and funny so I let it happen.  And by let it happen, I mean mostly I just rolled my eyes at his drunken come-ons.  Generally, I sat there stiffly, feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to deal with the situation.  In the end though, I survived the evening unscathed and with no new numbers in my phone.  Thankfully. 

So, back to the beginning, what was one of the things that I accomplished yesterday on my checklist you might not be asking yourself but I’m going to tell you anyway?  I made a spreadsheet of my student loans and my budget.  I’m hoping, this way, I can stop over-drafting my account because apparently, even though I graduated in the top 3% of my class I’m still a fucking idiot. 

My online checking account always says I have money when I set up the payments and then, magically, I don’t anymore.  Until this weekend, I was blaming this on the incompetence of my bank because clearly, they just can’t hire a decent programmer who can manage to write a program that instantly displays all withdrawals and deposits. 

Then, my mom started flipping out at me and told me that she doesn’t think I understand how checking accounts really work.  Initially, this obviously really pissed me off.  How can I not understand a basic system of credits and debits?  It’s pretty fucking simple.  But then she goes, “It may say you have a certain amount of money in there, but you may have written a check that hasn’t cleared yet so you have to keep track of that yourself.”  Wow. Now even though nobody writes checks anymore (except that one annoying lady in front of you in line who’s like 50 and “just doesn’t trust debit cards” or some such nonsense), but my mom made a very valid point which I hadn’t considered before.  So the solution is for me to suck it up and set up an excel sheet and just keep track of all the money I spend and earn like adults do.

So now, after my exhausting day yesterday and my early morning at work today, I’m sitting on my couch updating my blog, and that’s pretty much it.  Maybe I’ll fill out my application for the Barnes and Noble Starbucks’ Café later.